I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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