I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
