Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
