i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
