come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize