I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
