Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
