I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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