i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Are my feet made of real feet?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize