im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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