The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
