Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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