First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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