the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
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Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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