So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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