i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
