I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
