When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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