It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
