so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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