4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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