I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
