What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
