One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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