He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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