i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
