nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So vagazzling was a success
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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