I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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