we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
