How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
