Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
