I swear she didn't look like that last week.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this just has baby written all over it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
