if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
