so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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