Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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