I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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