Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
