I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
