I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
