I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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