Well douche your snatch and let's go!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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