He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
