god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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