I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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