Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
