Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
