I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
