There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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