there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
