the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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