is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
