Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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