What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize
