How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
