sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
