I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
