Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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