You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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