he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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