But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
