I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
