I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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