she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
