Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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