so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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