dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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