So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
