yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish I only lived at night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
