Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
