Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
