I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
