Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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