38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
