Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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