apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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