Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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