uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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