i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
