i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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