we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
